Holiday gatherings can be a wonderful time to connect with loved ones, but they can also bring challenges, especially when differing political views or family tensions arise. A licensed counselor can provide guidance on how to navigate strained relationships. They can help you explore your feelings, set healthy boundaries, and decide on the best course of action for your mental well-being. To help maintain your peace and enjoy the season, consider these strategies for navigating family dynamics:
Set Healthy Parameters for Conversations: Before attending a family event, decide which topics you’re comfortable discussing and which ones you’d rather avoid. It’s okay to set boundaries by saying, "I've gotten my fill of turkey and politics today. Did you hear who's touring again next year? Redirecting the conversation to shared interests or light topics can help keep the atmosphere positive.
Tip: Read up on current, light events before a gathering. Look up some good dad jokes to share. Bring a football and be playful. Think light and fluffy topics and things to engage in.
Avoid Taking the Bait in Political Arguments: When someone makes a provocative comment, it’s tempting to jump in and respond. However, choosing not to take the bait can prevent unnecessary conflict. You can choose to engage or disengage with them. Just keep in mind which reaction is protecting your peace or taking the bate?
Tip: A lot of people like the art of argument and/or want to release their anger. If you take the bait, you're giving them what they want. Sometimes the best thing to do is respond firmly with tact, walk away or just change the topic.
Avoid Baiting Others: Just as it’s important not to take the bait, be mindful not to bait others into a debate either. Making pointed comments like, "How could anyone support that candidate?" or asking loaded questions can trigger defensiveness and lead to conflict. Instead, approach conversations with genuine curiosity or focus on neutral topics that everyone can enjoy. If they are a person that you respect and have a conversation, truly be curious and genuinely ask them about their views. It might change how you both see one another and lead to a better understanding.
Tip: We might bate people more than we think we do. Be mindful if you are wanting to engage in an argument, release your frustration and how you can process through your feelings without conflict.
Shift to an "And/Both" Mentality: It’s easy to fall into an "either/or" mindset, where there’s a right side and a wrong side. However, embracing an "and/both" approach allows space for multiple perspectives to coexist. Instead of thinking, "I’m right, and you’re wrong," try shifting to, "I see things this way, and you see things differently. Both of our experiences are valid." This mindset acknowledges that each person’s views are shaped by their unique life experiences and values, making it easier to listen and be understood without the urge to debate or correct.
Tip: Understanding another's perspective doesn't mean that your perspective is incorrect. If we listen to understand then they might also listen to understand your views.
Recognize Criticism Disguised as Questions: Sometimes, we may ask or be asked questions that at first glance appear curious but are actually veiled criticisms, such as, "How could you possibly believe that? and "What could you possibly like about him or her?" If you notice this happening, gently set a boundary by saying, "I don’t think this conversation is helpful for us right now." If you are asking questions, check in with yourself, make sure you are calm and asking questions out of genuine curiosity, to understand their perspective versus being critical. If you are curious, it might also open up the opportunity for mutual understanding.
Tip: Just like teenagers, we are skilled at knowing when someone is trying to come at us with criticism and when they are truly wanting to understand our perspective.
Plan Ahead With an Exit Strategy: If you expect the gathering might become overwhelming, have an exit plan in place. Set a time limit and let them know how long you’ll stay or how long you will have guests over and give yourself permission to leave early if needed. Taking breaks, like stepping outside for fresh air or excusing yourself to the bathroom, can help you reset and maintain your calm.
Tip: Drink lots of water, take deep belly breaths and make sure to limit alcohol, caffeine and any other substances that might increase agitation or anxiety.
Bring Play/Fun to Holiday Gatherings: Adding an element of fun and play can be a great way to disarm tension and bring everyone together. Consider organizing holiday games, kickball, singing karaoke, or simply being silly. Laughter and healthy competition can be a powerful tool for signaling safety and connection. It provides a healthy distraction and can lighten up an otherwise heavier atmosphere, allowing everyone to bond over shared joy rather than disagreements.
Consider Alternative Holiday Plans: If family gatherings tend to be stressful or conflict-filled, consider alternative plans. You might choose to spend time with friends, travel or do a day trip to a place you've wanted to explore, have a smaller, quieter celebration, or focus on self-care. You have the right to create a holiday experience that feels nourishing and positive for you.
Seek Support From a Counselor: Working with a licensed counselor can provide guidance on understanding who you are, your reactions, choices and how to navigate relationships related to political divide. They can help you explore your feelings, set healthy boundaries, and decide on the best course of action for your mental well-being.
Tip: Working with a licensed counselor is a great way to work toward your goals and process your feelings in a faster, healthier way.
By setting healthy boundaries, working with a licensed counselor, practicing grounding techniques, bringing playfulness into the day, and planning ahead, you can navigate family gatherings with more ease and enjoyment. Remember, you don’t have to engage in every debate or resolve every difference. It’s perfectly okay to focus on neutrality, connection, fun, and making the most of your time together.
Lowther Counseling Services, www.LowtherCS.com, 2024
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